The Hotplate…Will Karma be a bitch?

Thank the television gods for the preview on the website of Conrad and Liam’s episode.  They’re in Mandurah, Western Australia and the first thing we hear Liam says is “I don’t want to belittle the other teams but what they do has been done”…oh darling, that’s a bit of a narky way to start.  He thinks they innovate and then Conrad says the others all underestimate what was needed to be done…oh heck, seriously???

They own Duck Duck Moose and it’s Asian fusion and of course they’re self proclaimed food snobs and they think the customer isn’t always right, they need to be educated…far out!!

Oh look, Conrad has trouble lighting the oven…which he normally does easily, but of course nothing goes perfectly when you’re under that type of pressure.

The judges check out the menu and Tom says it’s exceptionally complicated, what more did you except from Conrad and Liam???  I mean seriously, Conrad’s still lightly the damn oven…he didn’t push the right button, really????  What the hell???

In go pork cheeks for steamed for buns and Tom loves steamed pork buns and expects perfection and slow cooked pork.  But of course Conrad thinks most people won’t be familiar with pork cheeks, honestly his nose is pointing rather high right now, mind you Liam thinks that Christina’s looking down her nose…ummmm pot, kettle, are you seeing each other???  Now Liam has realised he’s not the Ferrari he thought he was…save me now.

They go looking for dried apricots for a chutney and they can’t find them, Conrad’s on the phone to the chef and there’s none because they didn’t order them so he tells Liam to put pineapple in.  Liam says it says apricot on the menu…I’m thinking our dear boy Liam isn’t over happy.

Tom starts going about the mains, stuffed squid actually and there’s more going on in the menu description and he wants to know why the prawn is broken and not just written as prawn…well Tommy my boy they want to educate their customers remember, maybe this is the education.  The squid is stuffed with prawn, mango and chorizo and Liam tells us that prawn and chorizo go together like Sonny and Cher…what the heck???  Get into this century, or actually this decade!!

Ohhhhh now Conrad is tempering chocolate…mind you it’s for chocolate mousse with five spice in it and Liam says to add double the amount of five spice…I’m not enjoying the sound of that and it’s a rather chunky mousse and Liam’s not liking it.  Then Conrad realises after it’s all in glasses that it’s not right and he starts it again.  Honey thick, lumpy, bumpy mousse is not good.

Liam goes to set the table and Conrad starts stressing.  Liam thinks he looks like he’s run there from Papua New Guinea and he’s moist…where does he get his lines from??

The judges arrive…and they both have a cloth in their hand.  Tom comments on the view from their restaurant and Conrad says how they’ve now realised the pressure the others were under…gee really???  Scott loves the cutlery and the coloured glasses, Tom thinks it’s cold and clinical and lacks warmth.

The guests arrive and Aron comments that Liam’s hair isn’t perfect so he must have been under pressure…good observation there mate.  Seeing as Conrad’s been going on about carpet at every other restaurant Christina comments to him “you’ve got carpet?” rather shocked and the poor buggers all confused.  Then she notices the fake grass on the wall in the sign with the restaurant’s name and she’s struggling to cope.  She thinks it’s more café like than restaurant like.  Vanessa’s worried that if the food is as good as the restaurant looks they’re in trouble…didn’t we hear that line last episode????  Now poor Liam’s worried they haven’t done enough, well you lost time on pressing the wrong oven button didn’t you???

Lozz feels like she’s in an Ikea catalogue and it’s too perfect for her.  Christina thinks it’s too cold for her, even though it’s hot in there, well Liam isn’t happy hearing her from the kitchen.

They look at the menu and they’re all confused with the amount of words…angry vegetables, broken prawns and Aron’s not keen on 2 of the 6 entrees being mushroom based.  Conrad and Liam come out and the judges ask if there are any questions and Christina bless her drops the line from last restaurant about the menu being like the United Nations cafeteria food and now Aron’s peeved, oh it reads like United Nations to her, but she says that Conrad said it not Liam and of course Mr Perfectionist Liam pulls her up.

They order steamed pork buns and wild mushroom wonton cups for entrée, tea smoked salmon and stuffed squid for main and five spiced chocolate mousse and mango tapioca pudding for dessert.  Strange how the meals they focus on showing us during prep are the meals that the judges order in each restaurant…just saying!!!

Naturally Conrad and Liam talk about Christina’s comment and Liam’s response is “if you’re going to be a bitch at least get your facts straight, shut up, eat, drink, have a great time”…oh Aron’s still fuming in the dining room, he’s seriously peeved, Pascal can see smoke coming out of Aron’s mouth and nose and all Christine can say is “oops I’ve thrown the grenade and run” gee really honey???  Plus she says she doesn’t like to cause trouble, well honey your daughter definitely doesn’t believe that line.

Oh my god Eli is talking!!!  I can’t believe it, I’ve hardly seen her open her mouth.

Conrad’s cooking the entrée and now he can’t find the XO sauce that he needs for the mushroom cups…lesson here is that your kitchen should be as organised as the front of your restaurant, I mean between the apricots and now the XO sauce you’re not going well.

Now we’ve got cheeky Nols back, she’s going to try everything on the menu and Tom asks if the boys theory on diners needing to be educated makes her feel like a good school girl and of course she was never a good school girl and everyone laughs, especially our dear Pascal.

Finally Conrad finds the XO sauce, funnily enough it wasn’t labelled!!!  Mate you’ve got to focus on things.  Then he’s putting the steamed buns in the pan and strangely enough the pan is too hot and then Liam says he’s never seen Conrad that pale or getting things that messy.  I think Mr Perfectionist may lose the plot before long!!!

Entrees are served and bless him Conrad straight up says that the relish isn’t apricot because they didn’t have apricots and there’s a few funny faces going on and Conrad’s shaking like nobody’s business.  Philippe doesn’t like the big plate with the little entrée and Aron’s underwhelmed…yes he actually said that.  Marie’s animated about the blandness of the mushrooms and lack of different textures and everyone pretty much comments about the blandness of the food.  Aron decides he won’t play nice after hearing the United Nations cup…between dry pork on bread and deep fried bought wonton cup…honey take a chill pill!!!  Heck even Eli is talking again and backing Liam and Conrad!!  Speak up more often girl!!!  Christina says Conrad and Liam have left themselves open for brutal criticism after their nitpicking about the others’ food…honey there is nitpicking and there’s being nasty…there’s a huge difference.

Oh look Conrad says “don’t throw stones at glass houses” because as he says they were so critical of the others…karma’s a bitch darling is all I can say.  Scott talks about the wonton cup, then he says there needed to be wild mushrooms in the dish when you call it wild mushroom wonton cups…well we know there were none in there.  Tom’s not too worried about the change in the relish, but he wanted more.  Then Tom talks about the steamed pork buns, he loved the meat, but it was too dry, so was the bun…oh dear all Conrad can do is nod and now the poor bugger feels like a con artist.

They decide to suck it up and move on to try and get out of the hole they’ve dug themselves after entrée.  They get the salmon in to smoke and Scott appears in the kitchen and asks about the salmon, he doesn’t want it too smoky, but Liam of course loves it extra smoky and says it is very popular because of how memorable the smoke it.  But Conrad’s all confused now, Liam says “it ain’t broke don’t fix it”…then oh dear the smoke alarm goes off and the smoke is going into the dining area…ohhhhhhh it is so hard not to laugh.  Conrad’s all set to run out of the kitchen and keep running, instead of just stopping the fire alarm.

Now they’re onto the risotto…it has no dairy and it has turmeric and coconut milk, ummmm how is that a risotto???  Aron’s not happy with this fusion as it is served with the tea smoked salmon.  Lozz is praying to the god of seafood that the salmon tonight isn’t as good as her salmon.

For goodness sake now they’ve lost the salad that Liam made earlier, that fridge is a black hole with all the stuff that’s gone missing tonight, honestly I’m sure there’s another whole restaurant hiding in that black hole given that the pawpaw salad has disappeared.

They take the food out and Conrad’s still shaky and sweaty…honey keep the sweat away from the food, food the love of god keep it away.  Oh dear, the salmon looks dry to Marie as soon as it’s put down and the risotto looks like scrambled eggs, honey you haven’t cooked yet so be careful.  Vanessa likes the risotto, but Aron’s definitely not liking it one little bit.  Christina can’t eat the salmon, the smell doesn’t agree with her palate, plus the risotto isn’t a risotto and the squid hasn’t been cleaned enough for her…gee love, just say what you think.

Scott likes the size of the salmon and liked the flavours of the risotto…and the salmon was overcooked and the skin was burnt…oh dear, poor Conrad, you could knock him over with a feather.  Then Tom says the squid wasn’t clean enough with the beak still in there and the chorizo punched everything else in the face in the dish, even the fish sauce.  Liam’s ready to be put out of his misery, he’s becoming slightly quieter as the night goes on…miracles do happen.  He’s even called his own food low quality and haphazardly put together.

Conrad says they’re going down and poor Liam is embarrassed.  Amazingly the desserts didn’t get lost in the black hole of the fridge.  They put on desserts and peanuts to get ready and they’re still worried, poor things.  Aron’s now feeling sorry for Conrad and Liam, I’m wondering if it is because he knows he’ll score higher than them.  Poor Nols can’t even crack a smile or joke talking about what she wants from the dessert.

Desserts are served and the judges get a glass of both.  Poor Christina is fading away to a shadow and is desperate for a good food.  God bless Nols, the poor love can’t say tapioca, just taste the dish love.  Eli enjoyed the mousse, as did Aron but he couldn’t cope with the tapioca though.  Marie says she can’t cook tapioca and neither can the boys.

Liam and Conrad want their feedback.  Liam says “if disappointment was an Olympic sport give me my gold medal,” oh honey you’ve still got your five minutes of fame on reality tv.

Scott talks about the mousse and thankfully he thought it was stunning.  Thankfully Conrad could smile, because there was no chance of Liam cracking a smile or a grin.  Tom talks about the tapioca, he says it wasn’t pannacotta on the top of it, but the dish would have been better if the tapioca was cooked more, but he did like it and Conrad smiles again…not Liam though.  Mate would it hurt you to crack a smile???

Oh dear Arin says it’s the worst meal he’s ever eaten…you poor thing.  Arin and Vanessa score them 2.  Eli and Maria score them 5.  Lozz and Nols score them 3.  Phillippe and Pascal score them 2.  Then poor Tania who’s been awfully quiet tonight says she’s in shock…maybe that’s why she’s been so quiet, but Christina and Tania score them 1 and Christina says “karma’s a bitch!”  They get 13/50 from the others.

Aaarrrgh….that’s all we get to see on the preview episode…are you serious channel 9???  No good giving me all that then making me wait 4 nights to see the final scores that they get!!!

Fast forward to Monday night and it’s on tv…god how I hate waiting for things, I have the patience level of a flea sometimes.

Anyway Tom scores them 4/10 for the food and 8/10 for the experience.  Scott scores them 4/10 for the food and 7/10 for the experience.

So all up they get 36/90 which dear old Conrad thinks is really generous, it also means that they’re at the bottom of the scores and that Phillippe and Pascal are safe.  Then Liam says they deserved what they got tonight, which impressing the delightful Christina, who’s so shocked you could knock her over with a feather, or maybe it’s because she’s so hungry.

Next up is Eli and Marie and it looks like things will get ugly and teary…sounds like it will be good to watch.

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