My Kitchen Rules #MKR turns a tad classy in Melbourne…or does it?

So we’re off to the style capital of Australia…Melbourne.  Oh honey, honey, honey I grew up there and I’ll tell you now I’m not the world’s most stylish or classy person in the world and I wouldn’t call it the Paris of the South.  As for Polo or the races…yeah never been to either in Melbourne.

Darling I wouldn’t brag about dealing with clients such as the PM…I mean who is it??? Given what’s going on right now.

Gee those Coles bags are just so stylish and classy…just putting it out there darling.  Actually being so confident that you can wee your pants isn’t stylish or classy either…I would say it’s the opposite.

Thank the lord Manu is here to explain the dishes as they are introduced because I need an explanation.

Hell Ash is channeling Rex Hunt and kissing fish heads, um not that stylish or classy.

So the dress code is lounge suit…just putting it out there that I honestly don’t know what that covers, gee I’m obviously not that stylish or classy.  Then again squealing when the doorbell rings isn’t my idea of stylish and classy either.

Well the dining room goes over with a round of “oh wow” from everyone…mind you the dining room is bigger than where I live I think, but no good talking French to everyone, none of them get it…haven’t you realised that yet darling???

The restaurant is called Dans La Maison …all good until Ash is asked by Pete what the name of it means, thank God Camilla knows what it translates to.    They show the menu and most people have no idea, and God love Shaz…she doesn’t know much about it but it looks nice enough, darling you’re worth a million dollars in my eyes.

Oh such a shame that Ash forgot the cristoli and drops a swear word…yep so stylish and classy darling.  No good that a lot of the others are now told what steak tartare is, put it this way I would possibly attempt a tiny bit, but wouldn’t go any further.  Now I’m starting to get annoyed that Camilla can’t decide on how to pronounce tartare as it changes every time she says it, pick a way and stick with it darling.

Entrée – steak tartare with quail egg and cristoli.  I’m with Shaz…she doesn’t get it because she doesn’t see the point in it…yep I’m hearing you hon.  Oh damn, Pete says that steak tartare would be one of his last meals on earth, but thank God says that they shouldn’t put the egg white on there and that it’s not the best tartare he’s had…a small bonus I think.  Manu thinks it’s ballsy but says it’s not traditional…gee Camilla, should have listened to Ash darling as the lemon juice started to cook it.  Poor Gina and Anna are freaking out…I’m hearing them right now.  Annie sprouts off how much she loves it, but had less than a quarter of it and Kat’s mental inside as a result of Annie’s monologue, oh well she was going mental inside, then she makes Annie cry.  Thank goodness Robert breaks the moment with another one of his stories.

Main – bouillabaisse with rouille and baguette.  Ash starts having a drama queen moment…her words, not mine because she’s over-zested the bouillabaisse.  Well it looks beautiful and apparently smells beautiful, but our darling Ash is feeling super nervous, poor love.  Oh dear, Manu said it is definitely not a bouillabaisse and of course we’re off to an ad break before he says another word…oh look he loved it…oh and it wasn’t a rouille either.  Pete’s smiling, of course he loved it and he’s made our darling Ash cry, oh bless him.  I’d be worried about eating that dish while wearing a frock, not really a frock wearing dish.  Kat’s having a dig because they didn’t make their own bread, honey we know you’re worried because of your not so great score the other night.

Dessert – fondant au chocolat with hazelnut ice-cream.  Now I ordered a chocolate fondant whilst in Melbourne in the holidays and I’ll tell you now that it definitely wasn’t a fondant as it missed the mark on the gooey middle, it was literally a chocolate pudding drowned in chocolate sauce…so hopefully the girls get it right…oh dear, they think it’s ready then realise it is still cold.  Just putting it out there I’m loving the plates they’re serving dessert on.  Oh dear, there’s no oozy, gooeyness that they’re looking for.  Surprise, surprise, Manu says it wasn’t fondant…they’re 3/3 on serving not what they said they’re going to serve.  Pete wanted more ice-cream because it was all rather dry…poor thing.  Oh dear chocolate lover Annie didn’t like the dish which over-excites Kat.


Robert and Lynzey – 7

Annie and Lloyd – 6

Jac and Shaz – 7

Gina and Anna – 6

Kat and Andre – 2…heck they’re playing strategy…gee girl that’s a tad nasty…our darling Ash can’t cope with getting 28 from the guests and realise someone’s voting strategically.

Entrée – Pete 6, Manu 7

Main – thank goodness Manu mentions that he was fine with them not making the baguette, putting dear old Kat in her place…scores Manu 9, Pete 10 and our darling Ash has another teary.

Dessert – Manu 5, Pete 3

Total score 68/110 putting them 2nd on the leader board…sorry Kat your low scoring didn’t really help or hurt that much.

Tomorrow night we’re off to South Australia to Annie and Lloyd’s place…however the episode starts while I’m at line dancing…something I’ve only done once in my life and that was last Thursday…but my trusty DVD recorder will be recording the start of the show for me to catch up on later in the night.


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